mjalti:

tbh i am not the person you want to be texting in an emergency, my notifications are off and i’m on Do Not Disturb. i haven’t had a ringtone since the dark years of ‘06. i’ll text u back in four (business) months like “hope that worked out, the Lord works in mysterious ways xx”

sailorbryant:

a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

Bad News: Our boss locked the keys inside the building.

Good News: We didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith.

Bad News: My boss finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory™. I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute girls.

Good News: A cute girl saw me do it.

Bad News: It was Maggie, and since she’s already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, she’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. She knows.

There are million dollar blockbuster movies that were less entertaining than the rollercoaster this post just took me on. 

mariaschuyler:

atavanhalen:

you-wish-you-had-this-url:

coolpepcat:

genesisdoes:

ghostfiish:

reveille413:

tootsie-roll-frankenstein:

• any target
• churches in texas
• abandoned 7/11’s
• your bedroom at 5 am
• hospitals at midnight
• warehouses that smell like dust
• lighthouses with lights that don’t work anymore
• empty parking lots
• ponds and lakes in suburban neighborhoods
• rooftops in the early morning
• inside a dark cabinet

• playgrounds at night
  
• rest stops on highways
  
• deep in the mountains

• early in the morning wherever it’s just snowed
  
• trails by the highway just out of earshot of traffic
  
• schools during breaks
• those little beaches right next to ferry docks
• bowling alleys

• unfamiliar mcdonalds on long roadtrips
  
• your friends living room once everybody but you is asleep
  
• laundromats at midnight
  

what the fuck

• galeries in art museums that are empty except for you 
  
• the lighting section of home depot
• stairwells

•hospital waiting rooms •airports from midnight to 7am • bathrooms in small concert venues

I just got the weirdest feeling I swear

stay-f0r-awhile:

this is actually the cutest thing i’ve ever seen

audible-smiles:

zadokthepriest:

YOU HAVE BEEN VISITED BY A BAT

you don’t have to reblog or anything, bats feed on insects not attention

(^~~~~(^._.^)~~~~^)